On My Own
by George1
Summary: Relena character profile of her obsessing over Heero


Hello, here is my second Relena perspective song fic. I was listening to

Les Miserables when this fic came to me. I tried to stay in character as best I could. Hope you enjoy.

Title: On my Own

Author: George

E-Mail: orangefroglet@hotmial.com

Rating: PG

Pairings: hint of 1x2

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters or the Song "On My

Own" which is from Les Miserables.

'. . . ' lyrics

". . ." conversation

On My Own

'And now I'm all alone again

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to

Without a home without a friend

Without a face to say hello to

And now the night is near

I can make believe he's here'

Often at night I like to take walks to relax after a tough day. Today was

especially tough. Tow of the nations I work with to keep the peace between

he Earth and the Colonies intact were arguing over the new treaties. After

hours of debate, everyone decided it was best to take a break and continue

tomorrow morning with the negotiations. It is days like this I feel all

alone, even with all the heads of governments and peace keepers around me.

I do not have any friends around me, even though Une and Noin try. So I

take walks to escape reality and have some me time.

'Sometimes I walk alone at night

When everybody else is sleeping

I think of him and I'm happy

With the company I'm keeping

The city goes to bed

And I can live inside my head'

On my nightly dream walks I pretend I am with Heero, the only person I have

ever loved and been in love with. I pretend he is walking with me and all

the troubles of my day just seem to melt away. I am in my own world and

there are no troubles and no duties to worry about.

'On my own

Pretending he's beside me

All alone

I walk with him till morning

Without him

I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way I close my eyes

And he has found me'

I will pretend Heero is walking with and I will talk to him as if he could

give me advice to help with my troubles. Pretending he is there to help me

with my problems often helps me find the real answers I am looking for. On

cold nights or after especially long days, I pretend Heero takes me in his

arms to warm me or ease my troubles. Pretending I am in Heero's arms

relaxes me and warms my heart. He has been my savor in real life many

times, but in my dream world he has saved me countless number of times. He

has help me find my way when I have felt especially lost and alone. He has

been my beacon home.

'In the rain the pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me forever and forever'

After I talk to Heero about my day, I pretend we are planning balls or

parties for our friends. "Let's have a party next weekend, Heero. We can

see how everyone is doing and help relax those friends of ours that work to

hard." "Like you, Relena," Heero would joke at me. I also pretend we plan

our wedding or honeymoon. "Would you like green and silver accents for our

wedding colors?" or "How does a honeymoon in Hawaii sound?" "What ever you

think is best, dear Relena." And in the starlit night, I can see Heero and

I together forever. I know we will be together forever, even if it is 

not the way I planned and it is just as friends.

'And I know it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him

And although I know that he is blind

Still I say, there's a way for us'

I know this is just a dream world that I live during my walks. But still I

know Heero and I will be together because I know he is my friend. I know

he doesn't see me the way I see him. He is blind to the love and devotion 

I can and do give him. But I will continue to care and be his friend, most

days it is enough. There is some way we will stay together.

'I love him

But when the night is over

He is gone

The river's just a river

Without him

The world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere

The streets are full of strangers'

I love Heero, and I always will. I tried after the wars to show him love,

and he tried too. In the end, he left to work with Duo. I do not know if

he loves Duo or if they are a couple. If Duo is what he needs for

happiness, then I am happy. I know they have a successful and thriving

business. Duo calls at least once a month to tell me how they are and see

how I am doing. He always offers help if I need extra security, "all you

need to do is call us Relena babe, and we'll be their," Duo's voice 

cheerful tells me. I do not know if he calls because he feels sorry for me, or

because he and Heero truly worry about me. When these thoughts enter my

head, I know my dream walk has ended and it is time for me to head back

home. Often when I come to reality from my dream world, I do not recognize

where I am and am lost all over again.

'I love him

But every day I'm learning

All my life

I've only been pretending

Without me

His world would go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known'

I walk home, back in reality and know that I will always love Heero and I

will always pretend we have the future I want us to have together. Each 

day I tell myself that I will get over Heero and move on. I will stop

pretending things will be what they never can be. I only allow my self to

think of him and pretend he is around on my dream walks now. I know in

reality he is happy with Duo. They live in a world of happiness that I do

not, cannot, and never will live in.

'I love him

I love him

I love him

But only on my own'

I love Heero, and I know no matter what I tell myself, I always will love

him. I know I will continue to love him and pretend he loves me on my 

dream walks, when I am alone in my and on my own. My dream walks are my world,

and there I will always love Heero.

the end


End file.
